Just Like Starting Over

On Christmas Eve we went to Godrevy and lay flowers for Granny. Me and my boys walked up to the the top of the headland that overlooks the lighthouse, and lay a small posy on the Bronze Age barrow that marks our private spot of remembrance. The boys ran and played. Even Sam, who forgot his cool seventeen years for a little while and enjoyed embracing the child that still lurks in his tall and gangly frame. There was laughter and gentle banter. A relief from the often incessant bickering that I have been used to from my three.

We spotted seals swimming offshore and lumbering out of the sea onto the beach far below. It was the first time we had seen such numbers all year, and it was rather lovely to watch them going about their business. The heather that sweeps over the headland was tucked away into the soil. And the carpet of wild flowers that adorn it were no more than sparse pared back dried forms of former glory. I stood and soaked up the raw beauty all the same.

It was late afternoon, and the weather had conspired to create the most beautiful backdrop. Grey cloud, broken at intervals by the low winter sun bounced and played over the bay. We made our way down to the beach to play. The wind had stirred the sea into a display of froth tipped waves, sending foam and sea spray into our faces. We ran in and out of the surf, and clambered over rocks. All the while gulls wheeled overhead, and two more seals popped up out of the water to watch us.

It was a rare and magical few hours, and a precursor to our festive holiday. I gave quiet thanks as we drove home for chippy tea, a glass of red and the last minute wrapping.

..........................

We have had a quiet Christmas, which has suited me very well. We have not ventured far, and I have not been subject to the usual stress that I feel at this time of year. I have eaten. far. too. much. of. everything. I have read and watched rubbish telly. I have built Lego, drawn pictures, taken long hearty walks, had many early nights and really tried not to vacuum every day.

Thank you for all of your words of love and support. I was afraid that if I returned here too soon, I would write terribly maudlin pieces of self indulgence. It's something I definitely didn't want to inflict on anyone, especially myself. Equally I didn't want the gallows humour that has helped this family cope with the difficulties of seeing a loved one so ill, seem trite and lacking in compassion. I guess I shall go with the flow. It's worked so far here.

Two resolutions.

1. To stop saying "That's fine" when it really isn't.

2. A biblical de-clutter. I am drowning in plastic and frou frou.

And before all of that, I'm throwing away the last of the After Eights. Unless you want them?

Love and joy for 2015, my friends

Leanne xx