The beach is a place of upheaval. With every wave, and every advance and retreat of the tide, the landscape is rearranged. I'm lucky enough to walk the beaches every day. There's a lot to choose from around here. Sometimes I walk with Honey. Sometimes with the family. And every now and again, I walk alone. Whenever I need some space, or some time to clear my head I wander down to the sea. I come and meditate to the sounds of the water's edge. That surge and tumble as the waves advance and retreat up and down the beach is a balm for the soul. I allow myself the time to stand and stare. I breathe it all in; a slightly salty, fresh smell peculiar to here. The sea smells different elsewhere. It sounds different elsewhere too. I feel a sense of kinship with it. My bit of sea.
Life hasn't quite returned back to normal here. Marc is still looking for work, and I am feeling rather restless. It happens from time to time, as any of you who are familiar with this space know. I went to a wedding in August, and at the reception I was sat next to the bride's Grandad. It turned out that this gentlemen could read palms. I'm a cynic when it comes to this sort of caper. But as he took my hand, I felt the hair on the back of my neck rise. He told me things about myself. Good things. Personal things. Strange things. "You don't believe in yourself," he said. "You dither, and procrastinate. What are you scared of?" I shrugged my shoulders and smiled, but could feel the tears prickle behind my eyes. "You need to shout louder, my dear, so that people can hear you once more."
How to do that though? How do you shout louder when you have become used to whispering? And who do you shout to? Yourself? Someone else? The world? I'm buggered if I know. The days just slip by somehow, and I find that before I know it, another year is pushing on towards the next and I'm no closer to grasping hold of what exactly it is I'm feeling restless about. I'm not dissatisfied with my life. Far from it. But I feel itchy from time to time. It's an inner itch that keeps me awake at night, and has me drifting from room to room. Picking up and putting down again. Am I having a mid life crisis?
My antidote is always the sea. Standing there listening to the song of the shore helps me regain balance once again. Helps me to clear my head, and gain perspective once more. It helped me this evening as I stood and took the pictures above. Now I just have to figure out what on earth this itch is.
Have a lovely weekend friends.
Leanne xx
Hi Leanne. Days, years slipping by without grasping what makes you restless means you're simply getting older according to my late granny that is. She described exactly the same as you do now. I think she was still restless when she died, but happy. Maybe you could practice shouting in the wind and waves next time you go on a walk? Just to get used to your voice again? Wishing Mark luck to find work soon. Love, Christina xx
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful, poetic post. I think you have found your voice on the written page. You are a natural writer, my friend. Maybe that's the direction you should pursue; the itch you should scratch. Good luck to Mark with the job hunting. xx
ReplyDeleteI was going to say exactly what veggie mummy has already said, my dear. You use your voice so well in your blog, why not write something and send it off to an agent? What's to lose? Lovely sea photos. I'm fascinated and enlightened about your ability to distinguish your bit of sea from others. Makes sense. You are very connected to your land down there. Perhaps you should write about that? Your personal story of the sea xx
ReplyDeleteI envy your walk by the sea which sound like the perfect antidote to the restlessness you describe. I recognise that feeling too - my life seems to be rushing by and sometimes it would be nice to step off and stop and stare. And I agree with the comments above - you are a natural and talented writer. How about a self published collection of your photographs of the sea and edited blog posts? You could promote on the blog. I'd certainly buy it.
ReplyDeleteI have that restlessness too. It's as if I am waiting to arrive but never quite get there. I think it's just how life is really, I'm trying to just accept the restlessness and enjoy the little things along the way.
ReplyDeleteJillxo
I know that feeling very well. I think you are a writer, as CT says. Maybe you could try some different types of writing, find a writing group, see where it takes you. But yes, that restlessness is here too. I feel as though I need a direction, something to take hold of. I always envy people who have a subject that they are experts on, something to immerse themselves in. I hope you find your thing Leanne. And I hope Marc finds something that suits him too. CJ xx
ReplyDeleteI've often been overwhelmed by the ability of the ocean to rearrange huge boulders on well-known favourite beaches. I sort of know how you are feeling, the sense that the sands are shifting and time is running out but leaving me stuck in the same old place. Some good advice in your comments I think.
ReplyDeleteI'll echo what several others have said. Your writing is your voice. You have a special gift with words, and I've thought that for a long time. Maybe it's time to start exploring that path. Or maybe not. Timing is very important. But even if you don't feel ready to explore the writing path beyond your blog, it's something to think about while you watch the sea roll in and out on the shore. I also think that feeling you are describing is part of the human condition. Most of us, if we are honest enough to admit it, feel that way at times. Good luck to Marc as he searches for the right job.
ReplyDeleteLike others, I know the feelings you're experiencing. I'm glad you find solace and comfort as you watch the sea. We all need something like that. It can make all the difference to how we feel. I don't have advice for you, but I'm always here to listen. I wish Marc lots of success in his job search.
ReplyDeleteLeanne, like you, I find great peace and solitude from the sea as well. It also makes me feel closer to my father who passed away a little over 4 years ago. He loved boats and ships. Your post is filled with incredible photos with words that "shout" for you, sharing your heart from deep within. Prayers to you and your family and for Marc to find a job. xx
ReplyDeleteHaven't seen the sea for nearly a year, and when I did, I wasn't a wild sea like that.
ReplyDeleteI think that restless feeling comes to all of us from time to time. It may only be small changes that you need to make, not huge ones. In the mean time, please write and write here as you're so good at it. And visit the sea too. I always feel small -in the best possible way - when I'm by the sea and that's good for perspective. Xx
ReplyDeleteI think many of us hear and love your voice, it is in your written words, you have a gift many of us envy. The sea is where I go when I need a boost of positive energy, and yes I agree it does smell and sound different elsewhere. xx
ReplyDeleteDays do slip by and with work and raising children the weeks tumble by too. I feel itchy so much, I would love to pack up everything and move across the country, do something new and exciting. But then Monday comes, I pack my youngest off to school and head to work, another week passes......
ReplyDeleteHi Leanne, what a beautiful post, agree with all above, maybe your voice is meant to be heard in writing, in your writing? Great sea photos too, I have beach envy! lol, take care, R x
ReplyDeleteyour sea is beautiful. I hope you find solace in it x
ReplyDeleteMy original comment disappeared. But here's another stab - what fires you up, gets you out of bed, burns in your heart? I suspect it is writing. You're so darned good at it. Write something, send it out there, get an agent. Go on :-) Sam xx
ReplyDeleteMy antidote is the sea too, we are both lucky to live so close to it so we can experience it on a daily occurrence. You should do what Sam suggests. Sarah x
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