It's been a tough four years. Wonderful. But tough. For many reasons, but mainly the challenge of bringing up three boys of such spread out ages. Their wants and needs are so different, I often feel stretched to breaking point. This week has been difficult in terms of behaviour and issues, and I have dealt with some of it well, some of it not so well and some of it very badly indeed. And when that happens, I'm left questioning my abilities. I'm left wishing for more support. I'm left with an urge to run away. I quite fancy hiding on the Scillies for a week or two.
I'm sure that come September, when Olly is settled and our routine has been established, I'll love the reclaimed freedom that I will have. I know I'll never be bored. There is always something to do, somewhere to go, something to see and someone to have a laugh with. But at the moment I'm letting the tears flow. It's all part of the process.
Excuse me while I grab another tissue.
Leanne xx
Oh Leanne this is so very natural. Like you say - it's a process. Be kind to yourself and go with the flow... and maybe eat some chocolate in between sobs ;0) J9 x
ReplyDeleteIt's how it works isn't it? I'm sure lots of us feel for you. And you know that come September it will all work fine. Chocolate or a cake may well help! x
ReplyDeleteIf it's any consolation: this is all very recognisable. Every mother doubts her abilities at times and the crying is only natural (usually due to being bone tired). My kids are 3 & 6 and I have found being a mum the most challenging (and rewarding) thing ever. Good luck there and remember that as a mother (and as a person) you are a work in progress and hence you're going to make mistakes along the way.
ReplyDeleteI remember those feelings so well, letting your children grow and gain their independence is the hardest part of parenting. I sobbed when mine went to school, I sobbed when they went on school trips and I sobbed when the eldest went off to Uni. It's what being a mum is all about, and it shows you are a good mum, we all doubt ourselves sometimes. I look back and think I should have done things differently, but as long as your children are loved and feel loved, then you have succeeded. As for running away, I went away for a weekend and sobbed because I missed the kids. xx
ReplyDeleteNormal and healthy to cry, normal to feel you've not handled things as well as you might have done- we've all been there. I do feel for you and am sending you lots of hugs over t'internet. Onwards and upwards lass x
ReplyDeleteHi Leanne. I am with you, it is really hard to hand them over to the teachers, knowing that they will have such a profound influence on your child's development. Mine are not as spread out in age as yours but I do understand being at breaking point. It happens to every normal mum. If a mum tells you otherwise, she is lying. I often handle issues well, but just as often I don't. James is a challenge, I don't know how to deal with him at all and it makes me extremely frustrated with myself, and him, too. He makes me cry. It is a surprise that mankind is not extinct and that we continue to have children... Chin up Leanne, tomorrow will be a better day. I hope Olly is having a good day at school. Christina xx
ReplyDeleteOh Leanne. I want to say "don't cry" but i know I cried too, on Angus's first day at school. His stay and play sessions were done on nursery days so I didn't feel the wrench until September. So it's good to cry, let the tears flow, then go and make a cup of tea and have some cake too, ideally. It's part of the process, we can't fight it. He's still your baby.
ReplyDeleteThat last photo of Olly laughing is wonderful. x
I understand, Leanne. My daughter will go to "real" school in August, though she's been in preschool part-time for the past two years. It's hard to let go. I really love having a little one at home with me and I wish I'd been able to have more. I'd have a houseful if I could. I hope the transition is smooth for you both. Olly is such a beautiful child.
ReplyDeleteI dropped my oldest who is now 35 at school when he was five and cried all the way home. When he went to University I lay on his bed and cried for weeks. You will adjust .. That's what being a Mum is about. The precious hours you have spent nurturing all your boys have made them and you into wonderful people.
ReplyDeleteThey know from the bottom of their hearts that you love them, they have parents still together and live in one of the most beautiful places. Perfect is not important in parenting loving is .. And you do that BIG time
Bless your heart ... if you need to cry then cry is what you should do ... being a Mum never stops being an emotional roller coaster, even when they're all grown up ... it's good to have tears as a release valve. And please don't for a moment think that the rest of us are any different, we all get a ton of parenting stuff wrong and our kids still turn out okay.
ReplyDeleteI still sometimes think I'd like to run away, although in my case it'll be to the Shetland Isles.
Oh honey it's so very hard isn't it. I dreaded letting go of my littlest boy so much. And I hate all of the "lasts". But as you say, it's the way it must be. Just really tough on the mums though. I have a very close bond to my littlest one, and I think it's the same for you. As well as it being extra hard because it's the youngest who is going. But I can tell you that it's bearable in the end. And he will no doubt have a blast. At our school all of the mums go over to the church for coffee on that first morning of school - so that we don't have to sob at home all on our own I think. My eldest met the new intake of little ones today. He will be in Year 6 in September, so he'll be assigned a new little person to look after. I think he's quite looking forward to it. I know exactly what you mean about not getting the parenting right sometimes. On occasion I can hear the wrong words coming out of my mouth but I can't seem to stop them. Oh it's tricky alright. I'm sending you a cyber hug Leanne, CJ xx
ReplyDeleteI hear you Leanne! I tried to almost get excited about sending the twins off to full time school this year to take the edge off losing 2 at once but it was still so hard. I think I cried all day too. I almost found it harder than the older 2 because I know how much kids grow up once they take that leap to full time schooling. It's nice to get back a bit of freedom but the urge to runaway every now and then is still there :-) xxx
ReplyDeleteI hope that Olly had a good day, even if you were not feeling so good yourself. I don't have and would not dream of giving any advice, but I do know that change can often be difficult, but that with time they generally become easier, so I hope that will be the case for you. Hopefully you will have a fun summer and grow more confident in your parenting abilities. Take care of you in the meantime, and chin up buttercup! xx
ReplyDeleteI am hoping that you are starting to feel better :) enjoy the weekend together x
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Oh Leanne I feel your sadness too ... my baby will be starting primary school in September too and she finished playschool yesterday ... it was a special but sad day too ... end of an era ... but I have realised that all our children need us in different ways at different times and while our tears come as they should, happy times prevail and smiles will come easily again ... Bee xx
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