I'm not sure if it's a state of lethargy or worry or another depressive episode trying to rear it's ugly head. Playing and creating with Olly is a chore. I just haven't got the energy or patience for making stuff out of cardboard or building train tracks. I am short tempered in general, and count the hours until I can loaf on the sofa watching episodes of The Good Wife on Netflicks.
It doesn't help that I have a stinker of a head cold, I guess. And my monthly - actually fortnightly- friend paying a visit. I think I need a holiday! I'd love to lie in the sunshine for a day or two. Eyes closed and faced raised to the sky. Feeling my freckles pop out one by one. A dip in the warm blue sea perhaps. Some lovely food prepared and cooked for me. Watching the sun set while drinking something bubbly.
I've been feeling guilty about not posting this week, which is daft. I've been worrying about future living arrangements. I've been sat looking at pictures taken of me recently and seeing age and girth. I've been struggling with aspects of life within these four walls. My mind is distracted by knowledge I'd rather not have.
Good grief. Talk about down in the dumps. Talk about the cycle of worry. Talk about apathy.
How do I snap out of it? Any suggestions?
Leanne xx
Maybe now you have written about "it" you have looked at it face to face and acknowledged it.
ReplyDeleteMaybe you could slap it in the dace, go to a nearby vantage point shout at it for a while, cry over it for a few minutes. Then dig a hole in your garden. Imaginatively scoop " it" into a ball and bury "it" place some shells on the top and a feather and leave it there to be dissolved by earths energy. Maybe .... You could acknowledge how much you have got on your plate. How many changes are in the pipeline. How hard you work at life. Maybe..... you will come to a day, a season, a year where an acceptance of yourself as the person so many love will ease self doubt. Maybe..... you will give yourself a huge cuddle and smile. Maybe ..... I hope so .... Carpe Diem and I love walking life's path with you and sharing wine and wine gums.. X x x
Talk about it! You have the answers already. Talking is the best thing, preferably to someone who really listens and can offer wise counsel ( as Linda has offered in the comment above). Above all, be kind to yourself - you ARE doing a fabulous job, with your boys, and your life changes. All these issues will pass, and you will get your time with sun on your face. Anyway..... what's wrong with wine gums? I can vouch that getting older isn't such a bad thing, and those bodily changes will happen whether you worry about them or not. My family remind me often of the time we went to a restaurant and I felt there was someone at another table constantly looking over at me - ha! ha! it was my own reflection! Just keep talking, to us and your real friends. We are all here for you. Mary at Art, Life and Doodles
ReplyDeleteso nice to see honesty in the blog world - so often the apparent perfection of everyone else's life leaves me feeling very inadequate. I've been feeling bit like you, and someone recommended mindfulness in a frantic world (available on amazon quite cheaply but get the proper book as it has a cd of mindfulness exercises attached, which the kindle doesn't). oh, and try and find some sun as vitamin d helps...hope you feel better soon but be gentle with yourself in the meantime
ReplyDeletecathy
Worry can be so corrosive to our spirits. For me it seems to come in waves and phases. When I manage to extract myself I always look back and realize how futile it had been to be consumed by so many worrying thoughts. But when I'm in the middle of a "mind stew" I simply can't get that perspective. I'm sorry you are struggling with your own "mind stew" right now. The only thing that consistently helps me is to get out and walk. Every single day. The minute I feel the fresh air and breathe in the scent of the trees and forest I feel better. Even if all my worries come back when I get home at least I have had some temporary relief. You have the wonderful sea air to breathe in, which should be even more restorative than the mountain air. Hugs to you...
ReplyDeleteI wish I had advice, but as you know, I worry a lot too. You have a lot on your plate right now, and I know it isn't easy. I think you're doing great, for whatever it's worth. You're a good mother, a good wife and a good friend. Take care, Leanne.
ReplyDeleteLeanne I dont know how you 'snap out of it'. I dont think it would be that easy but you are beating yourself up when you shouldnt be. You do have a lot going on and I'm sure things will improve eventually. Be kind to yourself.XX
ReplyDeleteLeanne, if your friend is visiting fortnightly, rather than monthly, maybe you are hormonal or even anaemic. Maybe a visit to your GP. Best Wishes.
ReplyDeleteBev
A doctor's visit is in order young lady, followed by a week or two in the sun. I always worry that you put me to shame with all the interaction you have with your children; I gave finger painting, play doh and baking a go... just once.. and decided it was far too messy and the children didn't appreciate it anyway, they just started arguing! :) You are way too hard on yourself, and I'm speaking from experience when I say that if that is in your make-up then it's almost impossible to change. Light therapy might be in order; maybe we can both lie on our backs and face the lamp instead of the sun. Sending big hugs (because I don't do hugs in person as I wasn't brought up to be the huggy type) and a simple message... try to treat yourself as you treat others. You are a beautiful, caring, loving woman, who is just sounding worn out by everything you are trying to achieve. Love and more hugs to you xxx
ReplyDeleteOh Leanne, I am sorry you are feeling unmotivated and exhausted. When I still lived in Switzerland, we used to call this general exhaustion/fed-up-ness/can't be bothered with anything feeling Frühlingsmüdigkeit, which translates as Spring-tiredness or exhaustion of sorts and it is a generally accepted state of mind during spring time. I get them too, these wretched weeks of utter inability to function as my normal self and it is soul destroying. I don't know what advice I could give apart from maybe accepting that you are under the weather and fed-up, in the knowledge that one day soon you'll wake up feeling a little more happy. In the meantime, let the kids watch the telly, feed them beans and toast and rice krispies and put your feet up. This is what I do, it helps. Treat yourself to something nice and simple, a glass of prosecco and a meringue maybe? There is nothing wrong with a diet of wine gums in the short term. Lots of love from bonny Scotland. Cxx
ReplyDeleteP.S. I would love to be able to say that freckles are popping up on my face with a little sun, all get is acne.
Honey, sometimes things aren't snap-out-ofable, and you just have to wallow for a bit in the knowledge that it WILL pass. I am like this more than I like, just this week in fact. But I just try and tell myself that I will get through it and back to the sunshine. PMT really doesn't help. I have it right now and it makes me anxious and worried and convinced that I can't cope. But another day I will be confident, so I just try and get through the bad days. So go and lounge on the sofa and watch The Good Wife and don't feel bad about it. You do an amazing job of running your home and raising your little chaps and it's exhausting. Be kind to yourself Leanne, have a rest when you can. I can't give you any tips on the food thing, I am absolutely terrible - the worse I feel, the worse I eat. But again, don't beat yourself up. You're not alone! As for the future, all I can do is try very hard not to think about it. I do hope that you feel much better soon, I'm sending you a big cyber hug. CJ xx
ReplyDeleteHello lovely. Sometimes we just need to ride it through. You have a great deal on your plate with enormous uncertainty about where life is taking you and the family next. This can be so unsettling for the mind and therefore the body. Make some time just to sit and listen to your breath, meditate if you like and try and be kind to yourself. We can't always be doting mothers who want to be making and building and playing, sometimes this can become too much and to dull, if I am honest. Sometimes we feel we need more and this can really get one down, I know! I will say that you shouldn't fight it as this is very natural and it is natures way of getting you to take a little stock, spend a little time reflecting deeply and find some inner calm somewhere in there where you can be happy and a little less down. You know I am going to mention food, but you know this so I won't go into any details. You can always email me if you want a little more info on this. I do hope that your week gets better. Sending you much love xoxo
ReplyDeleteThere is a picture just for you Leanne over on Chalky's World today x x x
ReplyDeleteI have been thinking of you all day Leanne, and trying to work out what to say. I am so sorry that you are feeling this way at the moment. Know that you have lots of love and support out there and that we are all behind you. I hope that your troubles will pass and if I can do anything to help, please do not hesitate to ask. I will keep you in my thoughts and as you said to me, chin up buttercup! xx
ReplyDeleteLeanne, Linda Gilbert just introduced me to your blog via her last post and I have read through a few of your last posts, but want to read through more! Thank you for making time in your life to create your blog and share your unique perspective on life. I am 63 and write my blog from near the base of Mt. Hood near Portland, Oregon, in the town of Boring [honestly :) ] USA. My daughters, their husbands and I are buying our home together. I currently have four little granddaughters ages 6,4, 22mo. and 5mo. in our household, and the parents-in-law of my oldest daughter...and two family dogs [one old and not well :( ] Should you want to type back and forth more about ideas for feeling better my email address is graciesaylor@aol.com
ReplyDeleteAh, lovely Leanne, I wish I knew what to say. I am sorry you're struggling at the moment. You're going through a time of change and uncertainty and it's taking it's toll. Also, if I understand it right, you are effectively a single parent during the week while Marc's away. That is tough; draining and exhausting. Go easy on yourself. And remember: 1. Your friends and family love you. 2. You are blessed in so many ways. 3. You are beautiful, inside and out. 4. You have many talents. 5. Spring is here. Xxx
ReplyDeleteI'm so impressed by everyone's kind and wise words, I know what it's like to want to step off the merry go round and take time for ourselves that doesn't involve being responsible for anyone. If you fancy having a natter over a coffee and letting the boys run themselves ragged, then I'd love to meet up anytime. Antonia x
ReplyDeleteHey sweet lady. I'm not surprised you are feeling unsettled, moving house is unsettling, and one of the most stressful things any of us ever do. And it sounds as if your hormones are all over the place! Don't be so hard on yourself. Kick back, do the bare minimum of what you should do, and as much as you like of what you probably shouldn't. And get out into the sun. x
ReplyDeleteRead this on my phone when you posted it but didn't get a chance to comment. As other's have said, don't be too hard on yourself - we all get days/weeks when life gets on top of us. Being honest about how you feel and sharing it with others is half the battle. And if your mood continues to be low, don't be afraid to ask for help.
ReplyDeletesend some suggestions my way gorgeous as you have just described exactly where i am right now!
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