Friday, 19 July 2013

Let's Disco

I had a chat with Madonna yesterday. It was a one sided conversation. She was too busy singing about getting into the groove to take much notice of me, but I certainly got a few things off my chest. We spoke about how I've been feeling, and what's really going on. While she vogued, I came to some decisions about some stuff. The grey area stuff that's been over my head like a fog.

1. Yesterday made a list of summer activities that me and the boys can do. It's a bit of a juggling act, having children of such different ages. So some will be with Olly alone and some will be with Olly and Alfie. Sam doesn't need organising anymore. Actually, he needs sorting out more than the other two, but that's more to do with him being all Greta Garbo. And an afternoon crafting at the Tate is not the same as day dreaming about the French girls from our holiday.......

2. I have a couple of personal goals that I have set myself. They have absolutely nothing to do with weight loss or trying to make my hair more thick and lustrous. I have started to make peace with my hair, and I will never be a Keira Knightly waif. So I'm moving on, fat knees and all. Trying to anyway!

3. I patted myself on the back for getting myself to the GP and having one of those chats. It led to blood tests for thyroid - both over and under. The vanitarian* inside me yelled "make it over active, I'll not need to order that tapeworm over the Internet!" (Even when I'm in the pits, I still question whether my bum looks big). And then the 'M' word was proposed. Me? Menopausal? I'm not old enough for that yet, surely? But it looks like it's a possibility, and may explain some physical symptoms, and some emotional ones too.

I forget that I'm forty three. Most days I act like I'm still sixteen. Age creeps up on you like a very stealthy Scholl sandal. But I can look back at my disaffected youth without wanting to return. There is only one thing I really miss, and that's all the dancing. God how I love to dance. I loved clubbing - not for the alcohol, not for the boys - for the dance floor. I would dance all night. I didn't need any performance enhancements to keep going. I loved the feeling it gave you. I would step onto the dance floor, close my eyes and that was it.  I miss dancing.

circa 1992, Leeds University. Before the hipster jean......

So thank you, thank you, thank you for all your heartfelt words. I am already a world away from where I was earlier this week. I do have to monitor myself. And I do have internal struggles that can spill out and need some mopping up. But today I feel like dancing. I'm gonna crank up the music, throw open the windows, and dance my bloody ass off!!

Have a lovely weekend.

Leanne xx

* A made up word. I shall lobby The Oxford English Dictionary.


  1. Wonderful post. Hang in there, Leanne. And now I know why you look so youthful at forty-three. You looked about twelve in university. :)

  2. Wonderful photos Leanne, lucky you living near the sea. You just keep on dancing!!!
    I am loving the blog and have nominated you for a Liebster Award hope you don't mind. Jillx

    1. I don't mind at all, Jill!! Thank you, I'm very chuffed.

      Leanne xx

  3. Leanne, you dont look 43 so keep on going girl! I started before your age with the menopause and it was grim but I rarely have symptoms now. I did find I kept getting really low moods and bouts of melancholy (I wont call it depression because I didnt take any treatment for it). Keep your chin up!

  4. I am glad things are looking up for you and you are feeling more positive! You look so young at university (and still do on your profile picture!) Those internal struggles get to all of us in one way or another, but you keep dancing girl! Have a great weekend. :)

  5. Good for you gal, dance your heart out! Xoxo

  6. You sound so much happier my lovely!! It's great to see. Well done for going to the doctors. I too love to dance but apart from the odd wedding rarely get the chance these days. You look so young in that photo by the way! xx

  7. Glad you are feeling more positive. We went to watch a band last night and ended up dancing. This morning when I woke up I felt like an old woman so stiff! I always enjoying making a list of summer activities for the children. We used to have themed weeks but it wasn't so difficult with them only 2 years apart.
    Sarah x

  8. Sorry I missed these couple of Posts and therefore the opportunity to send some best wishes across the seas.....sounds like things are on the up and up now. Nothing like a bit of dancing. I used to love clubbing too for the dancing, now my moves are reserved for the Kitchen floor :-) And I agree with Jennifer, you look extremely youthful now and as a student. I was always the opposite, getting mistaken for an older age and still probably do! Take care. Mel x