If there is one thing about Spring into Summer that I don't look forward to these days, it's the getting ready for it. I no longer have a summer style. I never really know what to wear anymore. I can't get away with the dresses and skirts of my younger years. And although my dream would be navy blue linen trousers, a white or black vest top and a smile, I think I've lost my way a bit.
I feel too old to be young and too young to be old. It's not a good feeling. I've been trying to lose some weight. It has not been a great success. Next week I start working out at the gym again. I am looking forward to winning back an element of control over a body that has gone haywire since the birth of Olly. What I always used to take for granted - a regular size 10/12 figure and a fairly trim waist and stomach - has flat-lined to a size 14 with no waistline and a stomach that lives a life separate from the rest of me.
I am reminded by this when all these emails and clothes brochures plop through my letterbox. I always flick through them, not with any serious intention to buy, but noting what I like. Nowadays I either just throw them away, or go through a sadistic process of looking at the clothes thinking "I could never wear something like that. Not now." The worst part of all is that I thought this just now while looking at a model wearing a pair of linen trousers and a vest top!
I look at my gorgeous boys (and I include my husband in this) and a fleeting feeling of jealousy washes over me. I can't help it. I envy their youth and energy. Their complete lack of vanity. The pulling on of what's nearest to hand and looking effortlessly cool. I don't feel good about feeling this way. I need to be taken into hand.
Someone please rescue me from early onset middle age!
But I digress....it's happy time. Four simple happy things from my week. Joining in with Jen at Little Birdie. Don't be fooled by the above. I am still in the happiest of happy places. I am a woman and (loosely paraphrasing a line from the film Sliding Doors) I reserve the right to complain and then get annoyed when I am defined by what I an complaining about.
Outdoors rather than indoors
With this lovely spell of weather we have been having, me and the boys have spent more time outside. This is what the decking looks like today. Strewn with trains and track. The sand pit is out and the boys are trampolining and climbing my poor old tree. I love it.
The garden is behind because of the the dreadful weather we have had. I looked back at the photos I took of the garden last year, there is so much that hasn't come to fruition yet. I have had to peer close to the ground to find the growth. It is there. I'm so excited about what is to come.
Olly is gorgeous. You already know that. If I have one teeny criticism, it's that he has always been a dreadful sleeper. From waking up every hour as a new born. To the hideousness that was controlled crying. At times it has been hell on earth. But something has happened this past week. Olly has asked to go to bed. "Eyes sore Mummy." He's willingly got into bed, and squeezed his little eyes shut......until morning! Miraculous. Every mother's happy!
I have lots of other happy. I've seen my first swallow. Butterflies in the garden. Blue sea.
It's all good.