Monday 25 April 2016

You Know What You Should Do



 

 













 
 I am sat here this evening, a vision in a gentlemen's dressing gown. I'd rather like a more feminine article, but so far I haven't taken the plunge. You know me and the art of procrastination. I probably have a list of ones I've liked and where I liked them somewhere.

There were goldfinches feasting on the dandelion seed heads in the grass this afternoon. Much squabbling ensued as they fought for the best patch of grass. I was wrestling with assembling my new lawn mower at the time. The old one having finally given up the ghost last week. It must have been at least a quarter of a century old. My Auntie Julie gave it, and lots of gardening tools to us before she emigrated to Australia the year Sam was born. So as I sat on the rug in the conservatory, swearing quietly at the very unhelpful instructions, I was struck at the sweet serendipity of it all.

I am not an assembler. Not a good one anyway. I'm not much cop at assembling myself. While waiting for Olly to come out of his class at the end of school, I noticed that I had dirty patches on my trousers from kneeling on all fours while scrubbing floors that morning. And splatters from the Flash with bleach that I like to spray around the house with gay abandon. It's a requirement in a house full of boys. It was all rather unkempt with a bit of middle aged haywire thrown in for good measure.

Anyway, there I stood musing away when someone felt the need to give me nutritional advice. I don't know why. I didn't ask for any. In fact only last week I purged the house of all cookery books pertaining to the delicious,  the glowing or  the quitting of sugar. I felt cleansed. It was better than a detox any day of the week. It was like telling them all to go boil their heads and leave me alone with my wobbly tummy and dodgy thighs.

I stood and nodded and smiled, because that's what I do when offered uninvited advice. That often starts with 'you know what you should do' and ends with me punching them in the face. Except not really. I never punch them. Well sometimes I do. In my mind. Not in real life. In real life I'm actually very restrained and lovely ;))  I smile a lot, and I laugh loudly. I'll notice if you look pretty, or had your hair cut. I can sense sadness and defeat. I'll not offer advice, but I'll listen and give you my full and undivided attention. I'm a massive shrew, but only with my friend Liz. Who brings out the worst in me, and I'm terribly thankful for it.

In fact now I think about it, I've been offered a lot of helpful advice lately. It ranges from the hairstyle that would suit me (a kind of rock chick messy bob apparently. I thought it already was. Minus the rock chick bit). To why a bit of make up would really perk up my looks. Can I just say for the record that while I have nothing against make up, I really don't like the feel of it on my skin. Also I never seem to get it right. I don't really know what I'm doing. So I don't. And I'm quite happy with it. It just bugs me that other people aren't. Why do they care?

This weekend has been glorious and awful in equal measure. The above pictures show some of the glorious. My frayed edges carry the awful. It was a sobbing into my husband's shoulder awful. It was more of the same, with a extra helping of for fucks' sake thrown in for good measure. This week is all about a deep breath, a steeling of the shoulders and marching back into battle. Because sometimes all you can do is dig your heels in and keep walking in a straight line.

I leave you with a quote from my favourite film...


"You know what we should do."
 
"How could I possibly know what we should do. What should we do?"
 
"Get out of it for a while. Rejuvenate."
 
"Rejuvenate? I'm in a park and I'm practically dead!"
 
(Withnail & I)
 
 
 Leanne xx



(I should apologise for my last post. I realised yesterday that half of it had been deleted and the rest was all in the wrong place. So sorry if it seemed rather abrupt. It wasn't meant to be so. And thank you for your comments and kind words).


25 comments:

  1. Ah yes, there are some charmers out there aren't there. Someone told me a couple of weeks ago that I couldn't have been born in the place I said I was. Really!! I am pretty sure that I was there at the time and it is what it says on my birth certificate... At least no one offers me hair advice! I am sure that you will stand it all in good stead, but I love the idea of you punching someone, a bit like the arguments that I have with people and always win - when I am alone in the car two days later!! xx

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  2. FFS is my all time favourite expression. I tend to use it rather a lot! I sense despite all your angst you are a strong woman. Glad you are enjoying the good bits ( those photos are stunning) just use FFS more when people give their opinions. I do ;) B xx

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  3. Oh Leanne, you are fab the way you are, every last bit of you. I hate it when people give me advice when I am doing perfectly fine without. It makes me wonder if maybe something is indeed not quite right with me and once the doubt starts knocking on the door, it is a slippery slope for those of us who have less self belief than is good for us. It is always other women, never blokes, and advice is always 'well meaning' (but oh so damaging). I guess we would laugh the bloke in the face who dares commenting on our clumping mascara :-) I am slowly shedding 'friends' who aren't friends because friends love us the way we are. Sending you a completely advice free heart felt hug from up North, wishing you a lovely week. Christina xx

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  4. If I need advice I ask Ann Landers otherwise act as if I know it all. Hate unsolicited advice, how nervy some folks are. If I wanted to change myself I would. I'll muddle through somehow.
    Love your pictures, there's such glory in them. Hope it's a better week.

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  5. You know what you should do (!).... tell them to F off. Seriously though, I know you're too lovely a person to do that, you'll do what most of us do when faced with 'toxic helpers' and smile through gritted teeth. If it happens again, at least you know that we're all behind you in spirit in wanting to punch them. To paraphrase Bridget Jones: "We like you very much. Just as you are." xx PS. Love the photos.

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  6. grrrrr. advice. I got some "great" parenting advice from a "friend" recently. which I didn't ask for. And which as she doesn't have boys I don't think she is at all qualified to give.
    love the analogy of telling the books to go boil their heads. perhaps that could apply to the advice offerers too. In fact I may borrow it if that's ok.
    sending a hug.

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  7. Lovely pictures, and you are you, i never understand why people think they should say things like, which is often quite personal! Hey ho, I do mentally punch them too by the way ;) Have a great week x

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  8. I think you might have too nice a face! I rarely get given advice. And FFS is the best response.

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  9. That first shot of the rockpool (?) looks like a Monet painting

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  10. I am at my lowest ebb on the school run. All those yummy mummies and me in my allotment jeans covered in mud and sweat and scratches. I sometimes wonder what it must be like to be endlessly perfect. You do indeed have a gorgeous rock chick bob and you don't need make-up at all, sod them all, those full-of-advice people. Sorry the weekend had some rough bits. The photos are particularly brilliant, especially that one of Olly flying through the air. Oh how small boys love to be flying through the air. And that pile of stones is phenomenal. Don't Olly and Honey look adorable together. She travels in style I see! I think I should like to live in that stone shack in the last photo. I would be a mad hag and curse people who disturbed me. Wishing you a good rest-of-the-week. CJ xx

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  11. As a fat person (there I said it), indeed as a very fat person (there I said it again!) I get lots of 'helpful' advice on my weight/health etc. I am actually quite an active fat person (I know head explosions for some, it's one of those two opposite things that can't be thought of at the same time..) and I have given up 100% on anyone who thinks it's ok to let me know what I should do because frankly it's my messy, blobby, uncool life and not theirs. And sometimes, as a mum to three boys (one with autism), only a nice homemade bun will do...

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  12. Love the pic of O leaping joyously. I eschew makeup most days too. Hope all is ok, chick? Xx

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  13. Those are wonderful good moments, I'm sorry that you weekend wasn't all good, ignore those unhelpful comments,hope this week has more good moments. Sarah x

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  14. I so cannot be arsed with the school gate. Tedious in the extreme. In fact I'm so out of the loop that no one bothers to speak to me let alone give me helpful advice! I don't wear make up either. I've never been able to get it right and always feel like I'm dressed as a drag queen! I think we're great just the way we are :) Still loving those gorgeous pics! xx

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  15. Bloody cheek. People offering unasked-for advice. Your words made me laugh out loud. Thank you. Have a wonderful weekend, with no sobbing on shoulders or giving two hoots about what anyone else thinks. You are just lovely as you are (of course this is based on my very limited knowledge of you via this wonderful medium). Sam x

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  16. That photo of Olly jumping is just great and the sky down there is sooo blue You don't need to change at all - I bet none of those yummy mummy types can write like you. My make up increasingly disastrous because of fading eyesight. Teenager usually points this out before I leave the house, said I looked like someone had punched me the other day before tackling my face with a damp tissue. Somehow she seems to give me more advice these days than the other way round.

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  17. Oh sweetheart. Tell them to fuck off (in your head, it'll still make you feel better). I don't like the school gate at drop off much either - being the office lady and a mum can be tricky. I'm sorry your weekend left you feeling so wrung out. I hope this one is better. Xx

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  18. Oh sweetheart. Tell them to fuck off (in your head, it'll still make you feel better). I don't like the school gate at drop off much either - being the office lady and a mum can be tricky. I'm sorry your weekend left you feeling so wrung out. I hope this one is better. Xx

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  19. I do hate unwanted, unwelcome advice. Particularly the sort that's neither helpful nor qualified. In fact, it's been the cause of a family rift here. I haven't spoken to one particular person for a few years now and I really don't care.
    And hurrah for the book purge. Those cookery books where you make 'bone broth' and spend a small fortune on maple syrup - just, no. I always think they should be in a section of the supermarket called 'Smuggery'.
    Keep doing your thing. I for one think you're fabulous.
    S x

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  20. I do hate unwanted, unwelcome advice. Particularly the sort that's neither helpful nor qualified. In fact, it's been the cause of a family rift here. I haven't spoken to one particular person for a few years now and I really don't care.
    And hurrah for the book purge. Those cookery books where you make 'bone broth' and spend a small fortune on maple syrup - just, no. I always think they should be in a section of the supermarket called 'Smuggery'.
    Keep doing your thing. I for one think you're fabulous.
    S x

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  22. Hi Leanne!
    I do woder why some people just can't help themselves and feel the urgent need of giving other people advices on how to live, dress or act. Why can't we just see the beauty in each other and celebrate that? I do hope you're able to shake it off and take pride in that you are fabulous and perfect the way you are.

    Take care Leanne!

    Charlie

    Ps. Your pictures are stunning. :)

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  23. I'm late to the party...I want to come and stand at the school gates with you and be naughty. Just because. Isn't it hilarious how people feel the need to criticise others? ( I think it potentially just shows their own personal lack of self esteem? Maybe..) but then my own self esteem is seriously lacking..although I wouldn't DREAM of telling people how to get their hair cut or to put some slap on? Madness. Hope this week has been better lovely girl x

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