Monday 4 April 2016

Another Walk After Tea

  






 Hello there!

I've spent the past half hour studiously ignoring an escalating argument between Sam and Alf. We are in the third week of Sam being home from University, and they have had quite enough of each other. It rarely comes to blows, but I've had to block my ears to some rather choice words being sparred back and forth. Olly is enthralled to Kung Fu Panda, and I've shut the door to lessen the sound. I could go up and intervene, but quite frankly I tend to make it much worse. Siblings just need to sort it out by themselves sometimes, don't you think?

They are so very different, you see. They clash on many levels. And add to this the older sibling imposing his new found status as an independent man of learning, and it's all a recipe for disaster. I'm actually quite surprised that it hasn't happened sooner. It's gone quiet again. For now.....

What I wanted to write about was a lovely walk that I took with Samuel yesterday evening. When he was little, and even before we had Honey, Sam and I would often stretch our legs after tea. Marc would bathe baby Alfie, and pop him to bed. I would take Sam out for an evening ramble, in order to try and tire him out. Or to alleviate whatever little worry was niggling him. He was always a sensitive child, prone to over thinking and developing fears of many things; vomiting, swallowing, choking and the like. He started to read voraciously as a way to distract himself, but it wasn't always enough. Sometimes it was hard to know what to do to help him.

From a young age, he would rather walk than be in his pram or buggy. He loved to stop and start, inspecting things along the way. He noticed everything; every insect, every bit of rubbish on the floor, every sound, every car. He asked incessant questions about it all. Sam was always full of the whys. It could be quite exhausting when you were indoors, trying to do all the other stuff as well as look after this questioning child. It was easier to be outside with him, walking at a leisurely pace and being able to give your attention to him fully.

And so as he grew older, Sam and I would often walk our favourite walks. And as he grew older, I started to learn from him. He told me everything that I would ever need to know about dinosaurs. Ditto traction engines and other steam powered machines. On one particular walk, I had a complete potted history of St Ives. And there was the time that he told me all about An Goff the Cornish martyr. We have seen some wonderful things together on these walks; a pod of dolphins swimming into Porthmeor, from around Man's Head was a particular highlight. He was a little sponge, soaking up all he saw and all he heard.

Of course these walks petered out eventually, and there came a time when he could hardly be prevailed to go on a walk at all. And all of his chuldhood worries and fears were replaced by the teenage angst that is familiar to us all. Any number of fears about fitting in, and looking the part. I guess you could call them the very 'normal' traumas of growing from boy to teen to man. But they were still as hard to witness. And his Dad and I tried to our best to help, in that ludicrously ham fisted way of ours.

And then he was gone. Up the line and away to the North. His visit home this Easter has been punctuated by his conflicted desires of home versus away. I don't mind. I felt the same when I moved away. Away was so much better. Away was more fun. Away meant your rules, as opposed to your parent's rules. I have so wanted to spend a little quality time with him. But he has been rather distant. Too busy. Too involved in keeping in touch with the friends that he has made. He has secured a job for the summer holidays, and is making plans for his return to Liverpool at the weekend.

But yesterday, I asked if he'd like to go for a walk with me after tea. A well trod route; up Burthallan Lane, down to Clodgy Point, past Porthmeor Brach and into town. He ummed and aahed, but then said he would. And so off we set. Chatting about this and that, although I found I was probably chatting the most. Compensating for his quiet solitude I guess. Sam can be a chatter box, but he's also quite a reserved young chap, and doesn't gab on for the sake of it. I found myself playing the 'remember when' game with him, and he warmed to the theme. He mentioned things that I had forgotten. We laughed about this and that. We talked a little politics and current affairs. We stood and watched the sea.

I thought to myself how much he has grown. He's only been away for a few months, and yet he has matured so  in just that short space of time. He can still be a total pain the arse. He tries to parent Olly far more than I would like him to. He can be demanding in that way peculiar to the eldest child. But he is also such a nice lad. Thoughtful, wise and displaying a kind of Big Bang Theory charm, that cracks me up. I think that Sam will never come home in any real capacity. His life is already elsewhere, and I think that it will remain so. City life suits him far more than small town living ever will. I think it fits him better. But I know that he loves the part of the world that he was brought up in. That it has played a part in defining and shaping the young man that he has become.

The main thing was to spend a little time with him. Just me and him together, walking side by side. I may not get to do it again for a long time.

It was a rather lovely walk.

Leanne xx


Thank you all so much for your kind words and encouragement about my taking up writing. You'll be pleased to hear that I have started scribbling in earnest. Not for any higher plain than my own pleasure. But very satisfying it has been. In the quiet of the evening, I sit at the dining table and tap, tap, tap. It is amazing what springs forth when you have a mind to do something.






48 comments:

  1. What a lovely post Leanne. Sam always sounds like such an utterly amazing boy. I'm so glad you had that walk together, another good memory for you both. It must be hard to let go a little, but no doubt he will always have a strong link to his home. My biggest boy is always instructing the smallest one in what he is doing wrong. And anyone else he can offer helpful advice to. Glad to hear you are enjoying writing. The evenings are a good time I think, around here at least a little peace descends. CJ xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He is also known to stuff his dirty socks under the bed CJ. Many a time I've wandered around upstairs thinking 'what is that smell?'
      L xx

      Delete
  2. Glad to hear you are writing Leanne. Sounds like a very special walk with Sam. One for the memory banks. Don't worry although he seems distant he will always be there. I think the bond with eldest son and mother is very strong. He sounds like my eldest...always asking questions. Let me know the publication date of your first book, I'll be there to buy it :) B XX

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'll send you a signed first edition, and I will inscribe it with a filthy joke, for your pleasure ;)
      L xx

      Delete
  3. Oh Leanne, your words are lovely! It's so nice you've been able to enjoy time together, catching up on news and memories. My eldest son is in the same situation as Sam and your words do ring true. I was desperate for him to settle into uni life and then, when he did, was miffed when he didn't have time to answer my texts - you see, I want my cake and I want to eat it! And your writing sounds brilliant - a calming end to the day. Enjoy your week x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Lou. I always want to have my cake and eat it. And yes, it's quite nice to have a little creative something in the evenings.
      L xx

      Delete
  4. You are a year ahead of me - but I can see the same things happening and feelings being felt when Matt goes to Uni later this year. I hope you can squeeze in another walk or two before he returns. x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's hard Sara, I won't lie to you. But knowing that he is happy softens the blow a little, I think.
      L xx

      Delete
  5. By the time I left work it was raining after another nice spring day spent trapped inside. I'm off on Wednesday and I bet it's raining and cold.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm sending hope of sunshine your way. Perhaps all that Saharan dust will work its' magic.
      L xx

      Delete
  6. Your Sam sounds like a lovely lad - I love the thought of 'Big Bang Theory charm'. Enjoy the rest of your Easter holiday with him and keep up with the writing; you have the gift. xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you. Ye she does remind me of Sheldon at times. He won't thank me for the comparison ;)
      L xx

      Delete
  7. Ah Leanne what a lovely post. I have those words deep inside me but could never put them so eloquently. It's a privilege to see our children grow up & become the adult they turn out to be. I look up at me eldest son in awe & wonder. How I actually produced an intelligent, kind & thoughtful adult I do not know. xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He is obviously a reflection of your good self, Jo.
      L xx

      Delete
  8. Parenting "in that ludicrously ham-fisted way of ours" is how we all do it, isn't it?! Such a fabulously written post, Leanne. I spent a few hours with my eldest yesterday and it was lovely chatting, listening to him spout on about stuff. He even listened to me a bit too. I know he's going to fly off as soon as he can but I'll try to make the most of him while he's here. Hope the boys' arguing subsides and you get a few more walks. Sam x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hope I'm not the only ham fisted one, Sam. How lovely that you got to spend some time with your eldest. They are slippy so and so's aren't they?
      L xx

      Delete
  9. I loved this story of your Sam growing up. He sounds like a very interesting young man and I'm glad he's enjoying his life in Liverpool. My daughter is at 'the fitting in and looking the part' stage - full of teenage angst and this is currently manifested in a huge fuss about choosing a prom dress. I'm already anxious about her moving away from home as I only have her but will try to adopt your very sensible attitude to this. You write so well so should certainly consider developing it. Have you ever considered a creative writing group or course?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Doris. I have looked into a creative writing course. But not that seriously to be honest. Time and stuff just gets in the way. I envy you the prom dress; it's all boring tuxedos here. I hope that you'll post pics when the big day arrives.
      L xx

      Delete
  10. Hello Leanne.I stumbled across your blog a few days ago and have spent some time reading back through old posts. I love the way you write and I can connect with so much of what you write about your boys. You absolutely hit the nail on the head with your words and phrases and one in particular where you described children showing 'light and shade' and the difficulty in dealing with the 'dark' side. Your honesty and obvious sense of humour are a delight! You have me hooked and I am coming back for more.:)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hello Martina! I'm so chuffed that you stopped by! I'm so glad that what I've written resonates. Welcome!
      L xx

      Delete
  11. Hello Leanne.I stumbled across your blog a few days ago and have spent some time reading back through old posts. I love the way you write and I can connect with so much of what you write about your boys. You absolutely hit the nail on the head with your words and phrases and one in particular where you described children showing 'light and shade' and the difficulty in dealing with the 'dark' side. Your honesty and obvious sense of humour are a delight! You have me hooked and I am coming back for more.:)

    ReplyDelete
  12. Beautiful light Leanne. We walked loads with our children, two miles at two years, six miles at six years and then to infinity and beyond and I'm pleased to say that now aged 19 and 22 they choose to walk and wax lyrical about the benefits (my son has just returned from a week of wild camping, fell walking and photography in the Lakes). The best thing about walking with your children, whether a mile to school and back or an all-day hike, is the chance to talk. I feel so sad when I think about how many children don't get this simple everyday pleasure but go from home via car to school and after-school clubs and never have time to be wild and free. You and CJ are my beacons of hope.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Sarah,
      I agree. It's the stopping and starting but that's so important isn't it? Even if they 'walk' away from it when they get older. It's embedded within them, and that's precious indeed. And CJ is one of my favourite and best too.
      L xx

      Delete
  13. Hi Leanne. I think you have been and are the perfect mum for Sam. You write about him so beautifully, I just want to give you a hug for being you. Christina xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Christine,
      Perhaps we can hug it out in the summer when you visit Roseland? Will we be seeing you and your lovely family in the wilds of Cornwall?
      L xx

      Delete
  14. Your Sam sounds like an absolutely charming young man and a real tribute to you and your family. Any news on the gorgeous Honey? x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you. Well Honey had a clean bill of health heart wise. He blood pressure is on the low side. But the big news is that all this ageing and slowing up has meant that she has put on a whole kilo. So we are cutting her food intake in order to balance the books. Also she has a hair cut, and the groomer took it back a little more than normal. She has a tick coat, so hopefully that will help too.
      L xx

      Delete
  15. A lovely tribute to your boy. How is honey doing? I've been thinking of her xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you CT. And Honey is fine, apart from low blood pressure, and middle aged spread. She's been put on a diet. I feel very responsible.
      L xx

      Delete
  16. Sibling battles can be so difficult, I had such a time with my older sister, she was not a nice person, but could pretty much lie her way out of most situations.
    When I had a daughter I told her that she got to be what I always wanted to be, an only child. Now I wish, though all the trials and tribulations, that we had given her a sibling.
    Your Sam sounds like a wonderful young man.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Mac n' Janet,
      I waged war with my sister until I moved away from home. We couldn't walk past each other with out coming to blows. My poor mother. Of course, although still very different, we get on very well now. It can be a battlefield sometimes, but then there are moments and acts of kindness and brotherly love. I'll take that.
      L xx

      Delete
  17. I love playing ' remember when'. My Dad passed away last week and my family and I have been doing a lot of 'remember when'.
    Jillxx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Jill,
      I'm so sort to hear about the passing of your Dad. A gentle 'remember when' gives pause for reflection. Sending you the warmest good wishes to you and your family.
      L xx

      Delete
  18. Our son was quite happy to come on walks again when he came back from Uni, he wouldn't have wanted to before! It must have been a beautiful evening to spend some quality time together and enjoy those memories. How did Honey get on at the vets? Sarah x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Sarah,
      Aah but you strike me as a family of professional walkers Sarah ;) Honey got the all clear, heart wise. But her age and slowing up, has resulted in a rather stout girl who needs to go on a diet. I guess it happens to us all in the end...
      L xx

      Delete
  19. Can't wait to receive a copy of your first novel!! Hope that the difficulties subside and the time for walking after tea increases! Isn't it great that it is light enough again to give the possibility of an evening walk. xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Amy,
      Ha! Wouldn't that be cool1 No arguments today, thank goodness. And yes, lighter evenings are very conducive to a walk after tea!
      Leanne xx

      Delete
  20. Leanne, I have a lump in my throat. What beautiful words and memories, and photos too. Boyhood Sam reminds me of my Angus - serious,thoughtful, a little worried, always reading and soaking up all knowledge. I send you a big hug. Xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for the hug. I could do with lots of those this week. And lovely Angus. May he forever be exactly who he is.
      L xx

      Delete
  21. such poignant words Leanne xxx

    ReplyDelete
  22. It this post is anything to go by Leanne you should definitely be writing whether it be for a higher plane or just for you. I do so enjoy reading your blog. It is always hard when the first child leaves home. I just have the one left in my nest now not sure he will ever be able to live independently he's a clever chap but his autism does hold him back when it comes to everyday common sense things, even down to remembering to take a towel with you when you go in the shower just the little things we took for granted with the older bods. Don't know about Sam but communication in any other form other than text isn't usually on the agenda for my older three although my daughter is better than the boys. So it is nice when they visit albeit not as often as I would like well they are all off living their lives now. I did suffer with empty nest when the first one went but it has got easier as the years have gone by. Your walks sound amazing I could almost imagine being there with you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've heard that girls are better than boys, although I was reminded by my Dad that I was rubbish. We are lucky to live in such a beautiful place. It makes for lovely walks every time.
      L xx

      Delete
  23. Such a beautiful post Leanne. I'm sure he treasures the walks too xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you. We are off on another one tomorrow.
      L xx

      Delete
  24. What a lovely post. I know exactly how it is when the first one goes off to uni and finds their feet, they grow up and mature so fast. Daniel's almost finished his degree now and I'm not sure he'll want to come home to live again, my home-loving boy has gained his independence. It will be Eleanor's turn later this year and I'm sure there'll be a big change in her too once she flies the nest. I'm glad you managed to get out for a walk together before he goes back, it's these times when it's just the two of you that are so special.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Jo,
      He's off tomorrow. His bag is already packed. I'm proud of his growing independence. But will hang on to the walk too.
      L xx

      Delete
    2. Leanne, you MUST WRITE! You are gifted, truly

      Delete