There is housework. It is a wasteland of toys and mess and unmade beds.
There is tea. Big steaming mugs of tea.
There is toast with homemade marmalade, a current go to comfort food.
There is a northerly wind whooshing around the outside of the house.
There is a dog waiting patiently to be taken out for her morning constitutional.
There is another novel, the pages waiting to be turned.
There is a Mum who doesn't really know what to do with her teenage boy.
There is a teen so full of anger and self loathing, who lashes out in the worst kind of way.
There is a five year old trying his best to be all grown up.
There is a washing machine that never seems to stop.
There is a husband that has already left for another week away from home.
There is a house in need of some tlc.
There is life. Big, fat, lovely, shitty life.
There is a horrid feeling of wading through treacle.
There is some kind of gauntlet being thrown at me.
There is a need to gather in and love fiercely.
There is a need to step back, and let others take charge.
There are changes afoot.
There is quiet unease.
There is a desire to hide under the duvet.
There is anxiety.
There is a real need for peace, harmony and family unity.
Leanne xx
Leanne, several of those lines could be written about life here too. Changes afoot. I am scared and unsettled. Anxiety through the roof. It will all pass of course, one way or another. But right now it's very hard. I'm sending you a big hug. Is there room under that duvet for me? CJ xx
ReplyDeleteIt's ok, it will pass - in the blink of an eye - you know that. I would be very surprised if a teenage boy wasn't flexing his muscles and his vocal chords. Some do it more than others but they all do it. Don't worry. Now the chores are out of the way shall we go for a walk in the sunshine. Keep strong for your boys - honestly you're doing better than fine.
ReplyDeleteCheers Sarah. Some days I could throw the towel in.
DeleteL x
There are times in life when you feel like that hamster on a wheel when you would love to yell stop the world I want to get off (at least for a while). I loved your poem and it probably rings true for most mums of teenagers. We all know it will pass but still not nice when you're going through it and even though you're not on your own that can be how it feels at the time. Keep smiling even if it is through gritted teeth have another cuppa then put your coat on and Honey her lead and go and blow those cobwebs away down by the sea.
ReplyDeleteA very brave post, putting it out there like that... I am going to put my oar right in and say, you seem to have a lot on your plate with Hubby working away all week. That may necessary, in which case, don't beat yourself up, you can only do what you can do. Am giving you a mental hug!
ReplyDeleteThank you. Putting it out there is a way of processing the situation. I'm uncomfortable doing it in real life, so to speak.
DeleteL x
There is the universal truth that life can be tough.
ReplyDeleteThere is also chocolate.
And I'm not being flippant because of all the blogs I read Leanne yours has the truest voice, the one that really says the most. Chin up, chest out.
Thank you for your lovely words.
DeleteL x
Oh Leanne it sounds like you have so much on your plate right now. I'm sure deep, deep down you know it will be fine & that you will all cope. I call it rutting season - living in a house full of males! There can be so much angst, emotion, lack of understanding & the need to keep ones breath in for as long as possible. Thinking about you and sending the biggest virtual hug I possibly can xx
ReplyDeleteRescue Remedy. You buy it from Boots (or a health food shop) and it helps you to deal with the crap. Best stuff ever, even for grumpy teenagers who are always on the wrong side of the door xx
ReplyDeleteEspecially for grumpy teenagers!
ReplyDeleteSending you virtual hugs. Teenagers (girls as well as boys) can make you feel hopeless at times. The saying 'This too will pass' repeated as a mantra has got me through some tough times, along with gritted teeth and alcohol! xx
ReplyDeleteThere are times in the life of raising teenagers that hiding under the duvet for a short while is a wise thing to do. When you decide it's safe to come out from under it my suggestion is that you walk straight past all the things that need doing inside your house, grab the dog, and head out into the sunshine. It won't calm raging teenage hormones, but it will calm your mother's heart. Hugs to you, Leanne...
ReplyDeleteThe worst time for our family was when the 3 kids were between 14 and 18! Hormones, testosterone, fall outs, the lot!! I do sympathise.
ReplyDeleteI'd like to hide under the duvet with you and CJ if there is space. I'd definitely go with Kristie's advice, if you feel calmer and in tune with yourself, other things fall in place or at least are less bothersome. Sending you a heartfelt hug through the virtual cloud. xx
ReplyDeleteCrawl under the duvet with a cup of tea and a good book. It will work out, sometimes you just have to step away from it.
ReplyDeleteStanding back is always good advice but so hard to do (or maybe that's me!) It will pass, it will pass, it will pass - just keep chanting that, as you top up the gin. It's horrible but it will blow over, my love x
ReplyDeleteI too found the Rescue Remedy helped in times of stress and despair. I admire you for bringing up the boys on your own during the week and also being able to share your feelings with others. Sarah x
ReplyDeleteI hope that the changes will not be too bad and that all will be OK. I return your buttercup, I think you need it more than me right now. Chin up buttercup! Hugs to you! xx
ReplyDeleteNo two ways about it - change is tough, dealing with teenagers is tough, life is tough - but you will get through it. Sending a hug. x
ReplyDeleteBe brave..you have so much...its just hard to see at the moment. Get that dog and stride on that beach. You will get through it. Thinking of you. Barbara xx
ReplyDeleteBah. Sorry to hear about the shit bits. Embrace the good bits. And stick with the marmalade, it will get you through x
ReplyDeleteChin up Leanne,life can be shit at times,but get out in the fresh air and clear your head ,sending you a sqeezy squashy hug ,xxx
ReplyDeleteBrilliant writing, Leanne. Captures the pleasure and pain of motherhood perfectly. Struggling here too with stuff - teenager can't be in same room as her dad without harsh words being exchanged. Stressed out with work and no time for anything. But managed Friday night away and, like you, met Christina. Just great to talk to her for real. Sound like she too has grumpy teen to deal with. Don't reckon anyone has peace, harmony and family unity with a teeenager about. x
ReplyDeleteI hope you've got an enormous duvet for all of us? I echo what Kristie above says. Dog walks have saved my sanity many times (I have two boys, 16 and 14, and one girl, 11). And it's tough with your other half away. I completely get what you've written and you've written it brilliantly. Keep strong Mighty Woman. Sam x
ReplyDeleteWe recently went to a talk about teenage brain development and how it impacts on their behaviour. SO interesting, comforting, useful, reassuring and insightful. Perhaps you can find something similar down your way? I learnt a lot and picked up some very helpful tools. I do know how it feels- overwhelming, frustrating, exhausting, debilitating. But this too shall pass. I promise. Much love to you my friend XXX
ReplyDeleteI can relate somewhat, even though I don't have teenagers yet. I'm sorry you're having a hard time right now, Leanne. Good for you for embracing the good, simple things.
ReplyDeleteGood luck. Fresh air. Good food. A glass of wine. A good book. A mug of tea. All will help.
ReplyDeletesending you a hug, and putting the kettle on x
ReplyDeleteLittle things are the ones that get us through. Look for the green shoots, both literal and metaphorical. Enjoy your time outdoors (it's the best therapy there is). Take care of yourself xx
ReplyDeleteBrilliant prose, just timeless. I bet if any of us read this in a book of poetry we would nod knowingly and think yes that writer has got it spot on x
ReplyDeleteCheers Antonia. What a lovely thing to say. We must meet up again. Perhaps after half term?
DeleteLeanne xx
Beautiful Leanne, I can identify, especially the teenage boys, and all 3 of mine have been hugely different, but we get there one way or another, wishing you a calm and peaceful weekend. Your beach photos are wonderful as always x
ReplyDeleteThank you for your honesty. It's reassuring. Life can be so hard at times.
ReplyDeleteI am sending you hugs. I can't offer any advice, not having teenagers, but you do so often strike me as a pretty amazing mother and I worry that you are very hard on yourself. I like to hope that things are "a phase" when the kids really push the boundaries or develop a suffocating neediness, and usually they are. Big love to you. xxx
ReplyDeleteI need a like button for all your readers brilliant comments. My children are now 23 and 20. It is hard, this mothering thing. I can't believe all the angst I went through when trying to breast feed. Why didn't someone tell me that it is nothing compared with teenage hormones and that inference that you know absolutely nothing and that being seen in public with your offspring is the height of embarassment or actually thinking that speaking to one of their friends was a normal thing to do......I now have a lovely time with my children, and they definately think I know things, especially things like'I cooked this chicken on Sunday do you think it's safe to eat?' !! Hang on in there and savour the odd good moments. All you can do is keep on loving. Sending you lots of virtual love. Penny L in Dorsetxxxxxxx
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