Monday 5 October 2015

Space Oddity

 
  
here he is, CT
 

  
 



 
 

 

Hello there!
 
On Friday evening as I was walking back from my friend Sophie's house - she had a jam making emergency, and needed some urgent supplies -  I thought I heard a fox crying out in the dark. As I got closer to the noise, I realised that it was coming from the tree in my neighbour's garden. And it wasn't the cry of one animal, but two. I stood looking up at the tree, listening to this strange and unworldly noise. It sounded like an owl, but not the soft t'wit t'woo that I often hear. This was a guttural call. Aggressive even.
 
On Saturday morning, Olly and I searched the internet to find out what exactly it was that I had heard. It turns out that it was the sound of  Tawny owls fighting. I had been witness to a pair of wols having a pop at each other on a Friday night. Fighting for territory perhaps? Anyway I banked this lovely experience away with all the other close ups with nature that I've had the pleasure of this year.
 
My blog has had scant attention lately. I have been waging war with a virus that is kind enough to let me hack and cough my way around the supermarket, but leaves me shattered and without energy or inclination by the end of the day. So, too, has the empty feeling I have felt since Sam has
left for University. It has created a space in this house. Not just in a physical sense, although it does seem strange that he no longer a perpetual fixture rummaging through the fridge. Rather I feel an absence here. The house is quieter, and I have had to get used to a different rhythm. I keep cooking too much pasta. I am really missing the way he wanders into a room, to tell me some nugget or other. 'Pig-gate' wasn't the same without Sam around. We would have had a lot of fun with that little gem.
 
But this weekend he informed me that he was out with 'the lads.' I nearly fell off my chair. Sam is having a great time. He is out having a ball, and loving his course. He is busy making friends, joining societies, auditioning for plays, snogging girls and winning pub quizzes. You've no idea how happy it makes me, that my terribly self conscious and unconfident son, has been embraced and is embracing his life away from home.
 
This weekend I moved Oliver into Sam's old bedroom. I had spent much of last week painting walls and woodwork. I spent Saturday moving Olly in. The room has been transformed from a musty teenagers room, into a bright and airy child's room. Olly loves it. After five years, I can reclaim my space in the conservatory. I'm looking forward to making it a cosy adult space once more. And Sam has a smaller -and cleaner -  bedroom to come home to at Christmas.
 
As for my planned post about New York.....if it's okay with you I think I'd like it to remain with me, and not get written about here. I spammed Instagram with tons of pictures at the time, for sure. But my memories of it are wrapped up inexorably with Samuel. Marc and I hold it to our hearts as a precious, precious time with him. I know you will understand. Besides, how many pictures of tall buildings would you have been prepared to scroll through......
 
 
I think that the dust has started to settled here.
 
Thank goodness for that.
 
Leanne xx
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 






24 comments:

  1. Beautiful pictures as usual, Leanne - the butterflies are quite amazing. I'm so glad that Sam is having a wonderful time in Liverpool (it's a friendly and welcoming city so I'm not surprised) but I am sorry that you're missing him so much. I wonder if a Mum ever gets used to her offspring springing off into the wide world to do their own thing? Luckily, you can keep Olly for a bit longer xx

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  2. A lovely blog, I understand the hole a son going to uni leaves, my middle son is now in his second year and it was strange when he left home for first year, but he loves it and has made a life for himself which makes me happy even if I miss his cheery, larger than life presence.

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  3. I completely understand wanting to keep your trip for yourself. I think it's a good idea, too. I'm so glad to hear that Sam is having a good experience at school so far. It makes me happy to know as well. I wish him all the best. You will get used to it, but I know you will miss him every day. That's a very good thing, I think. You love him with all your heart. Did you know that if we hadn't named our son what we did, his name would be Samuel too? I love that name and might have used it for a second son, if we'd had one. I hope you're having a good week so far, take care.

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  4. Enjoyed your close-ups, except for the caterpillar, could done without that one. We hear owls from time to time, but have never heard the sounds you heard, how cool.
    Hard when they go off and it will feel strange when he comes back.

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  5. What an amazing photographer you are; the photos are gorgeous. I can sympathize about the hole left by Sam - it took me 3 years to get used to cooking for 3 rather than 4 and just when I had, she came home again! I'm so glad that he's having such a great time. Good idea to keep NY as a special, personal memory - some things are just too precious. Hope your cough is better soon. xx

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  6. Amazing photos - I really don't know how you manage to get such beauties! Lovely words as well: hope you're feeling better soon.
    Alex is in his second year and I'm feeling a bit bereft, so I can sympathise greatly. He's very happy and having a good time, whilst I'm trying not to send desperate texts, begging for a five minute chat... I'm pleased Sam is happy and he'll be home soon enough, rifling through your cupboards...

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  7. I really feel for you. It sounds like you're getting on with things and adjusting to the new situation yet there's a sense of sadness too. I'm pleased he's settling in well though and can completely understand your relief at that.
    As for blogging mojo (or lack thereof) - same here. Too knackered. Hope you're feeling better soon x

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  8. Ahhh sam ,i can relate to this ,its a strange time when your fledglings fly the nest ,it gets easier with time and i have to say even after my third left home i was still cooking enough food for five of us,adjusting --------is hard but i,m soooooooooo glad he,s settling in well ,not only have you had a virus ,your emotionally drained too ,so rest up now and again sam ,take care x

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  9. I think so many of us know exactly how you feel. I'm just starting to decorate my son's bedroom and he left for university two years ago. I am carefully taking down all his artwork from the walls and when it's done we will buy a new mattress for our old pre-marital wooden (to paint or not to paint?) bedstead so that it becomes a proper grown-up comfortable room when partners stay too. My children are at university at Oxford and Canterbury so they both come home frequently for short bursts but this summer they were both living and working in their university towns. A bit different to the previous summer when the holidays lasted four months. It's great to hear that Sam has settled down so well. Take care Leanne and hope you feel better soon.

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  10. I lay on my sons bed for weeks when he left to go to Uni. I laid his place at the table without thinking. And like Sam he was having a ball. The grief was all about me . It's the same now they are in Dubai.
    I hope you get better soon. I wonder if you caught that bug on the plane?
    Take your time, enjoy your encounters, enjoy your photography, enjoy your space.
    I think it's all about the 3 "A's" Accept,Adapt and Accomodate.... You will ... In time.
    Hope your two other local boys are doing well,... Xxxxxx

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  11. Hi Leanne. I would have been frightened out of my pants, hearing those noises in the dark! Take your time settling into your new live routine, it is a big change to get used to. I can imagine the vacuum created in your lives with Sam's departure to pastures new. Glad he is enjoying it to the full! Take care Leanne, I hope the hacking cough is on its way out. I have one, too, it makes me feel sick, all that mucus and constant coughing. Awesome photographs! Christina xxx

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  12. What fantastic wildlife you have about the place, and lucky you hearing those owls. My eldest would have been thrilled. I don't think he's ready for the horrors of pig-gate yet, but the time will come all too soon I think. So glad Sam is settling in well, but sorry you're missing him so much. I do hope you recover from the virus soon as well. It seems there are always germs lurking around at this time of year. CJ xx

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  13. Lovely photographs Leanne. I hope you are feeling better. I am reliably informed it's approx 11 weeks until Christmas (OMG just frightened myself with that relisation) and Sam will be back with you all with lots of stories no doubt some you will want to here eagerly others you may find too much information for his mothers delicate ears. It's been a lot of big changes for you over the last couple of months with Sam's 18th (and you think how the hell did that happen) and then he's gone off to Uni and it's always hard when the first one flys the nest. Then swapping around the bedrooms and moving Olly into Sam's old room making that change even more real. You're only human and slightly under parr at the moment but you will bounce back. As for your lovely NYC experience. I don't think anyone can blame you for wanting to hold those memories just for you, Marc and Sam. Mitzi x

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  14. Lovely, lovely, lovely! And thank you for the pic. Your pillar is an ele hawk just in case you didn't know. Marvellous flutter shots- that Tortoiseshell, oh my! So good to head that Sam is settling in well. J is doing the same. They find their feet away from us, eh? I am sending you a special hug, because it's always harder being the one left at home. Good call re NY- I think I would do the same. Although I do love your new 'me' pic. Much love, chick XXX

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  15. Such wonderful images the butterflies always fly away before I can capture them! So pleased you had a wonderful time in New York with Marc and Sam, it must have been so good to share this together before he left for Uni. I'm glad Sam is settling in well to Uni and is happy. Sarah x

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  16. Fantastic photos as always! I don't want to depress you but I still cook pasta for five whoever is coming to dinner...too many years programmed for 5 I will still be doing it at 95! Glad Sam has settled, I know you will be relieved. B x

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  17. I totally get the NY thing, Leanne. All the best to you there, hope you get better soon xxx

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  18. There are some things in life that you need to keep for yourself. Much as applaud people for sharing, I applaud them for not sharing as both are just as important as each other. Well done you! Glad you had a great time with many precious memories to keep tucked away for future remembrances! xx

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  19. Great shots! Is that a hornet mimic hoverfly you have up top?

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  20. So lovely. I have been thinking about you and hoping you are ok. I totally understand you wanting to keep New York to yourself - it is a special and private thing. Not everything is for blogland. I'm really glad to hear that Sam is settling in so well. Xx

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  21. These photographs are brilliant. Good to hear your news and how your are coping without your son. Our NY trip coming soon - can't wait.

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  22. It tears you up when they go doesn't it, but with only one of my four left in the nest these days I can tell you that it does get easier. And it sounds like university life is suiting Sam.

    I do hope you're feling better now. (And that I don't have nightmares prompted by the scary pic of the caterpillar that looks like it's sticking it's tongue out!)

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  23. glad Sam is having fun. hope you're feeling better now xxx take care xxx

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